February 22, 2007

Bruised and Annoyed


So that annoyingly perky cycle buddy from Fertility Friend just got her BFP. You know the type, one of Tertia's newbie Barbies. I know I just said the other day that I'm totally down with OPP, and let me be clear, I am very, very happy to hear of anyone getting a one-way ticket off the IF freeway at the nearest exit, but I'm just annoyed that she now has the extra ammunition to try to convince me that "I just need to be positive and it will happen!! :)" Baby dust, my ass. I think it's fantastic that she's found success on her first assisted cycle, but I'm tired of her trying to convince me to adopt her outlook, when my situation is completely different.

I remember being very optomistic about my first IUI a few years ago, but that's just not where I am now. I deal with the ups and downs of this process in my own way, dammit, and respect the rights of everyone else to do so in theirs. For me it's just easier not to get my hopes up much anymore. Nowadays I look forward to making positive progress in each little step: no cysts at ultrasound-yay!, good response to supression: yay!, good response to stims: TBD, but hopefully. I just can't let myself get my hopes up about the end game anymore. I'm not all doom and gloom about it, I just take each step at a time. And if I need to indulge in some dark humor from time to time, so be it. (Post Script: So basically I am a solid Stage 7)

Ugh, am I overreacting? I blame the stims. I've got a bunch of little bruises on my belly now, and I feel those old familiar symptoms coming back. Last night I woke up with a hot flash at 4am and started thinking undeservedly angry thoughts about my husband sleeping sweetly beside me. Then proceeded to imagine a snarly exchange with a friend I have no reason to assume will snarl at me, but worked on preparing my verbal smackdown just in case! Bring it ON mutherfuckers! Yikes, I think I need to go eat some donuts and change into my comfy pants.

13 comments:

My Reality said...

If you bring the donuts over, I will sit and eat them with you, but I warn you, you must bring lots of them.

One step at a time is the way to take this.

Susan said...

Its starting to get a tad creepy how often we are posting about similar topics!
I, personally, wouldn't survive without the dark humor and enjoy every sick joke my blogger friends make. So keep it coming.
mmmmmm donuts.....

Susan said...

Oh, gosh, never mind... I guess this is the first time we posted about similar things...
now you think I'm creepy for other reasons....!

Bumble said...

I hope newbie barbie chokes on her baby dust. That stuff gives me hayfever.

Yum, those donuts loooooook deeeevineeeeee... Save me some, I think I'll need them in a few weeks... Mmmn, I wonder how long one will take to get to Aus???

Mands said...

I know this kind of news can make us very bitter and twisted (or Twitter and Bisted as my DH puts it) but it is good to remember that the people in this IF boat did not come here willingly. Whether it's a first IUI or a 9th IVF, we all had to make the heartbreaking decision to walk this path. You are right, though, in saying that each of our situations are different, and she should have been more sensitive.
I am a stage 6 - can you tell? :-)

Sara said...

Mmmmmm. Donuts....

It's funny how certain announcements really get to even the most zen-like of stage 7's. There's something about a know-it-all chipper twit that got pregnant in five seconds that really makes me want to see what happens if you set baby dust on fire.

Sarah said...

okay, let me clarify: i am very happy for this girl. i'm all for anyone who has to deal with IF at all being able to end the journey ASAP. when she posted her news, i was the first person to respond with a big congratulatory message in all caps! what annoyed me is that she responded: "see, you just have to think positive and it can happen!!" when people tell me that, it is the equivalent of "just relax, it's all in your head." annoying.

Mands said...

I hear you. That's like telling a cancer patient to just be positive and the tumour will disappear! Or - just go on holiday and your missing limb should grow back!

Isn't it amazing that even some previously infertile people still don't get it.

Mands said...

Sorry - didn't mean to lecture.

I've heard some real horror stories about those IVF stims.
I've only ever been on Clomid, and can you say BEEEYAAAATCH? 'Cause that's what I morphed into!

Margo said...

Thanks for stopping by my blog. Good luck with this cycle!

tipsymarie said...

Oh, yeah, I hate that. Just be positive! Please. I prefer to be cautiously realistic.

I've done Synarel, which does the same thing as Lupron. It made me a little angry for sure. But, it could've just been general annoyance from people tellign me to be positive and it will happen. Like magic! poof!

Sara said...

I hear you. I've tried positive, negative, and neutral, and the results are pretty much the same, regardless. It really annoys me when people assume that my attitude is the problem. I had a GREAT attitude starting out. 34 cycles later, it's not so good. Go figure!

Baby Blues said...

You're not overreacting. I got a "You're stressing about it too much." comment. It's another way of saying "just relax." Easier said than done.

Those doughnuts look yummy. I think I'm going to get me some. :-)