March 12, 2007

Dr. Google Creates a Monster

My sister, who knows I try to be realistic and keep hopes at bay, recently asked me how it's possible not to get my hopes up when things seem to be going reasonably well. Well the fact is sometimes I am hopeful, but in a really distant, detached kind of way. Here's the kind of information that helps depress those hopes:

"In conclusion, rescue ICSI, although resulting in fertilization, gives very poor results in terms of pregnancy. Prolonged incubation of oocytes presumably affects the developmental capacity of the embryo. Based on our experience, rescue ICSI of unfertilized oocytes after IVF does not seem to be worthwhile."

You all may remember that we had a lovely number of eggs retrieved (18) and a very good contribution from my husband, but none fertilized overnight. The next day they did recue ICSI resulting in 12 embryos, of which nine were doing well enough over the next few days to recommend a 5dt. But on transfer day, I was bummed that of the five that made it to blasts, none were of suitable quality for freezing. We transferred two in, but they would not have been freezable either so I'm not sure how great they were.

After reading the study above that makes sense. I had also read that many of the problems likely to cause the failure to fertilize are chromosomal, so I was already worried we were dealing with problematic seeds to begin with. And then there was that concern I read about assisted hatching causing conjoined twins and other developmental abnormalities. Oh yeah, and that thing I read about chromosomal abnormalities associated with just regular ICSI (though I know it works for people all the time).

It just seems like a lot of potential problems piling up, and I know the more micromanipulation techniques are employed, the greater the risks are. I feel like we're destined to be creating a chromosomal monster, although in the study referenced at the top, there were no live births from all 120 rescue ICSI cases in the study, so I probably don't need to be too worried about creating a monster that will be around for very long.

I know I need to stay away from Dr. Google, and I know I need to try not to think about it and just wait for beta and see what happens. There is nothing else I can do, nothing else we can control. Anyone who tells me to just think positive and this will all be okay, however, will be shot.


serenity said...

Oh hon. Stay away from Dr. Google! Miracles happen... and right now you are PUPO - pregnant until proven otherwise.

*hugs* I know how hard it is to keep the hope. So I will hold your hope for you, ok?

Sticky Bun said...

Echoing Serenity (above), try to stay away from Google! Believe me, I know it's easier said than done...

Will be thinking good thoughts and hoping for you!

RTTguapa said...

Google is not a doctor, he is a monster.
Rest-up till Beta.
Wishing you the bestest of luck!

AshPash said...

Sarah: Geez, not comforting news, I know. I have read about so many pregnancies resulting from situations that seemed pretty darned hopeless when compared to the odds. This cycle ain't over til it's over...anything can happen!

Adrienne said...

It ain't over till the fat lady sings (or the beta comes back negative, whichever happens first). But I'm not telling you to think positive, because I'll be shot. So just don't think at all right now, okay?

Baby Blues said...

Oh just shoot me! LOL. But I know exactly how the scale could easily tip from hope to dread. You're right, there's really nothing else to do but wait. So hang in there!

Sara said...

Dr. Google is a bad bad man. He also sometimes lies.

All that I can say is that I hope that after all this, the news is good. Do I get shot for that?

Marie-Baguette said...

don't trust doctor google. Even my doctor thought that FET embryos don't split, but I ended with quads with only 2 embryos transferred. Also, my embryos were not good according to the embryologist! Somewhat Lower also recently defied all odds by getting pregnant after getting only 2 eggs retrieved and transferred (both not so good). On the other end, I never got pregnant with top quality eggs. So good luck, keeping my fingers crossed for you. And I am sure the doctor knows what he is doing. If you are really worried ask him for his experience with rescue ICSI.

carrie said...

I won't tell YOU to think positively, since clearly Dr. Google has sucked away any hope AND I don't want to get shot, but *I* will think positively for you and will keep holding the hope for you. Stranger things have happened, right?

Valerie said...

I agree with serenity you are PUPO, in fact I like that very much. I will stay away from Dr. Google if you will, maybe we should start a support group or a 12 step program for staying away from Dr. G.

dark ages said...

your instinct to fight back against the agony of waiting by learning all you can is absolutely right on! you're not hatching Easter chicks; it's real life and it's incredible what you're going through. you are strong and brave and my heart goes out to you as you wait it out.

Bumble said...

Sarah... Step away from the Googlemonster... He is eeeeevil. Just wait and see, don't let your mind run riot. For all you know you may be preggo with a couple of perfectly healthy babies too. Just wait and see... Hugs x

Lil Sis Kate said...

Dude, I can tell you from personal experience that doctors don't know everything, and I'm guessing that's ESPECIALLY true for cyberland "doctors."

Here's what Dr. Kate says:

1. Avoid Dr. Google
2. Consume chocolate
3. Engage in retail therapy
4. Consume ice cream
5. Spend extra quality time with your sibling

For optimum results, engage in all of the above 5 steps simultaneously.