March 20, 2007

"So You're Telling Me There's a Chance!"*

I peed. It's positive. I can't freaking believe it. I never thought I would see two lines in my life. I'm excited, but mainly a little stunned. I actually went back to double check and make sure that two lines didn't mean NOT pregnant. As if I could get that confused after the millions of hpts I've peed on in the last five years.

Yesterday I had major cramps and a tiny bit of spotting. Despite the fact that my ET discharge instructions say this is normal and doesn't mean that you are or are not pregnant, I was convinced it didn't feel normal. I had always planned to test this morning anyway, at 10dp6dt (it's been 17 days since the hcg shot, so I'm sure that's not a factor). But then I woke up at 2am with this strong feeling that I'm pregnant. You all know how far that is from my normal waking feelings about this, so that got my attention. Somehow I managed to fall back asleep, and when I finally got up to go pee on my stick, I felt nauseous and extremely full. And then the two lines.

So I know I've mentioned the fact that the pregnancy rate for rescue ICSI is 15% but the live birth rate is 7%, meaning there's still a good chance it may not be viable. This is where my one-step-at-a-time philosophy comes in really handy. I've said before that after all the years of disappointments, I have a really hard time imaging the end result. I just don't let myself go there. Some people think I sound gloomy about it, but I'm not really. I just focus on each little step in the process. I've been happy when there was good progress, and disappointed when there were set backs, but trying to think long term is just too overwhelming. So for now, I'm surprisingly unworried about that 50/50 chance of miscarriage. No doubt I will spend plenty of time being worried. This is just the beginning. There's a long way to go. For now, I'm happy with the beginning.

*PS - A huge heartfelt thank you for all the encouraging comments on my last post, and for all the thoughts and well-wishes along the way. So many of your comments have helped more than I can describe, and your support means so much.

25 comments:

Marie-Baguette said...

oh my God!!!! this is really exciting! Keep us updated about your beta numbers and all... Yes pigs are flying, and most of us get pregnant with multiples, so be prepared!!! Bonne chance

The Road Less Travelled said...

Enjoy your BFP!! It's the most beautiful sight in the world. Wishing you a happy and healthy nine months.

Sticky Bun said...

OMG!!!! I was SO happy to surf over here and read this this morning! I'm so happy for you--I know this is one step, but it's THE most important first step. I'll be keeping you in my thoughts and hoping that your betas come back great. :-)

(Also--you totally made me laugh out loud this morning with your comment about crying when your teams lose. I totally hear that. You gotta love what the hormones do to us!)

Susan said...

Woohoo!!!!!! So very very very happy for you!

Anonymous said...

YEA!!! THat is so exciting! Make sure to take it easy, I know bedrest sucks but still worth it! (this is from HOLLY)

Chelle said...

Congrats on getting this far!! I hope the bean sticks and you have a happy and healthy pregnancy! Best wishes.

twirl said...

That's fantastic! Being happy with the begining is a great way to start.

twirl said...

also, it has to work for some people, right? otherwise no one would do it!

Valerie said...

I can not believe I missed your email until just now. Congrats i am so very happy for you.

Bumble said...

Sarah Sarah Sarah!!!! Thats WONDERFUL news, congratulations girl!!! Can't wait for the beta results!

peep: formerly known as jacked up said...

That's great news Sarah. I am so happy for you but god am I envious! Keep taking it a day at a time and good luck with each and every day!

Lil Sis Kate said...

I'm so totally positively (ha, ha) excited for you!! I'm hoping for some sticky beans and an easy road from here on....

My Reality said...

Fantastic news, Sarah!!

Tam said...

Wow, yay, yay and yay again. I can't believe it!! I am so happy for you sweetie, I'm praying for you and that this little bean sticks and that you gonna have a healthy happy eight months ahead of you! Woo hoo, you made my day!!

Mands said...

Just got a mail from Tam about your BFP! Well done you!

Rachel said...

Oh my goodness! Yay. Yay! AND YAY!!!!

Kate said...

Holy shit, Sarah. That's the best news! I was wondering if you were going to test before the beta--and I am so glad I checked today!!! Woo-hoo! I love your one-step-at-a-time approach. Stay unworried as long as you can. I am SO, SO happy for you!! Ok, enough with exclamation marks.

Watson said...

WOW - a real, live BFP!!

YAY!

Much congrats, and keep us posted when you get your Beta done.

I'm thrilled for you!

serenity said...

CONGRATULATIONS!!!

Enjoy this today, hon. You have totally earned it.

And remember - you are PUPO (pregnant until proven otherwise).

Awesome news!!!! Yay!!!

Baby Blues said...

Oh my gosh Sarah! I'm jumping up and down for you. Congratulations! I'm hoping everything turns out well.

K77 said...

Holy fuck congrats! This is fantastic news. Good idea about the one step at a time thing, I think that way too.

carrie said...

Oh, hooray!! I'm am really really happy for you. The one step at a time makes sense, and you have no reason to believe right now that anything will go wrong. PUPO - I love that saying. Yay yay yay!

Reproductive Jeans said...

Ohhh I love happy news! Congrats! I cant wait to hear about the next steps!

The Town Criers said...

Yay! Yay! Yay! One step at a time--and at this step, you are pregnant. Congratulations :-)

Anonymous said...

congratulations! Been following your blog, am a friend of a friend. Very happy to read about your 2 lines.