June 25, 2007

Pink is the New Room

NEVER would have thought i'd have a pink room anywhere in my home, probably not within a few miles if i could help it. i was never a girly-girl and never wanted to reinforce those sterotypes, but knowing it's a girl has done weird things to me. suddenly all the pink things in the baby departments look wonderful. very strange.

you might think we've gone nuts putting together a baby girl nursery in record time, but all that furniture and the hand-me-down toys had to come over last week when my sister moved, so really it was just painting. note that i went for the palest, least pink choice possible. but i have to say i love it. i'm hoping that eventually i can begin to imagine someone living there. i guess going pink is the first step in that direction.

i'm doing better with my sister's move. i went a whole day without sobbing and only got slightly teary when i had to order just one cookie at mrs. fields in the mall. that felt almost as weird as oohing over fluffy pink baby blankets. two huge elements of my life, both solidly in place for the last 5 years, are suddenly turned inside out at the same time. it's like i'm living someone else's life.

the sister part has me thinking of infertility in a way i haven't in years. at some point around year 2-3 i just went numb. i quit hoping for two lines, much less imagining a baby in our future. and it got a lot easier. sometimes it still stung, but for the most part i just detached from it. i quit thinking about how unfair it was. it was just my reality. but now that i'm so keenly aware of what i won't get to share with my sister (at least not in quite the same local way), i find myself feeling cheated. if it had worked for us back when we first started trying, our girls would have been only a year and a half apart instead of six. they would have spent the past four years next door to each other. and i would have had the best mom in the world living right next door to show me the way. at least she trained me well while she was here.

i do feel very grateful that IVF worked for us and i hope this doesn't sound extremely insensitive to everyone still trying. i could have far worse problems than being pregnant five years later than i had hoped to be, but today i'm feeling sad about that. it's just that same old deal we all know too well: infertility sucks on many levels. i'm going to go sit in my pink room and get over myself. i'm so touched by all your heartfelt congratulations on the anatomy scan. i'm thinking of so many of you and hoping for good news.

15 comments:

Frank & sisters said...

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I'll publish on my blog!.
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KarenO said...

This shade of pink looks so beautiful! It's a nursery from a dream - you can be really proud of yourselves. :)

Reproductive Jeans said...

oooo wow! Love the room!=)

Lindsey said...

I love the room. Just love it. I am aching to get rid of this 80's desk I am typing at and replace it with a crib.

You are right, IF leaves a footprint in your life, but I'm so glad you have moved past that and beyond it now. Hope you get to see your sis as often as possible, too.

My Reality said...

Sarah, the room is absolutely beautiful!

You don't sound insensitive about feeling bad about the crap you have had to deal with because of infertility. It is a crappy road to deal with. You have come towards the end of it with grace and I am happy to have met you along the way. I only wish I could come and sit in the pink room with you and just chat and eat brownies and ice cream!

Sticky Bun said...

The nursery looks so cute!

And I think what you're saying about thinking about IF with everything that's going on right now makes a ton of sense. Whether we like it or not, IF lingers. I don't think you sound at all ungrateful or insensitive. I know you're thrilled to be pregnant and that everything is going well. But, it doesn't take away everything that you've been through. So it's okay to get sad every now and then. (particularly with everything you have going on!)

soon to be aunt kate said...

dude, you gotta stop making me cry. i don't have anyone to eat cookies with in consolation (at least until this weekend)....

Tam said...

Beautiful room, I am sure your little one will be very happy and content in there :)

Sorry that you still feeling sad about your sister leaving, I wish that it were different.

I don't think that the sadness of IF ever disspears completely, things will get better sweetie.

Hugs xxx

Rachel Inbar said...

Amazing room :-) I can imagine how sad you feel that your sister moved at what seems to be just the wrong time.

Carol said...

I love the room - it looks perfect!

Angie said...

Wow! What a pretty room. I've got to admit that now I'm feeling behind on ours.

Cibele said...

Oh Sara, the room looks so lovely !! I am so happy for you. I also understand what you mean by still thinking about how would have been if you have had your baby a few years back if IF was not part of the picture. I just started a new job and the other day I was thinking how I would rather share with my old co-workers a pregnancy that with the new ones, how my flexible hours as a students would have been so nice while I am pregnant, how my niece and my baby (M/c at 7 weeks) would have been only 8 months apart...You have all the right to feel this way… once I heard one song that said… to feel the pleasure I first had to cure the pain.. YOU ARE STILL HEALING!!! All the best

Cibele said...

Oh Sara, the room looks so lovely !! I am so happy for you. I also understand what you mean by still thinking about how would have been if you have had your baby a few years back if IF was not part of the picture. I just started a new job and the other day I was thinking how I would rather share with my old co-workers a pregnancy that with the new ones, how my flexible hours as a students would have been so nice while I am pregnant, how my niece and my baby (M/c at 7 weeks) would have been only 8 months apart...You have all the right to feel this way… once I heard one song that said… to feel the pleasure I first had to cure the pain.. YOU ARE STILL HEALING!!! All the best

Queila said...

It is soooo prett! Makes me want to start mine right now. Love the painting on the wall. Congratulations on your little girl. :)
Q

Kate said...

The room is gorgeous, and your print fits so perfectly. How lucky you are to have all that loot from your sis. You are set! What are you going to do with yourself for the next 4 1/2 months? :)