June 21, 2008

100

Alone at home with a sleeping baby and an icy gin and tonic - finally a moment to get to this post which has been in my head for long enough that it's now just sort of a mess. I never thought I'd be typing post #100 while an almost 8-month old baby slept in her crib upstairs. MY 8 month old baby! Course if I'd been posting at all regularly it wouldn't have taken me a year and a half to get to 100 and that wouldn't have been the case. But still.

Funny how I feel compelled to say something meaningful with 100. The main thing in my head is just how weird and unexpected it's all been. When I started blogging I was heading into my first IVF cycle. I was sick to death of babydust and the ttc boards and finally discovered Julie. I think I read her blog from start to the latest post in about three days. My husband kept checking on me since I was glued to my computer well into the wee hours. After a year of failed IUIs interspersed with delays and another year off, and having read Julie and then all of Tertia, I fully expected at least 4 to 6 goes at IVF with major bumps in the road along the way, quite possibly never finding success. I could not even begin to imagine being pregnant, much less having an infant of my own. I had long since grieved anything happening "the old fashioned way" and had been ready to adopt for some time (trying IVF first was more important to J).

If you had told me back at post #1 that I would have a baby within the next 100 posts I would have laughed my ass off and then perhaps decided not to be your friend anymore. I certainly could not have begun to fathom it. Granted it's been over a month since my last post so I've arrived at 100 rather slowly, but you get the idea. I was jaded, cynical, with the lowest possible expectations, and it served me very well. It was all so much easier once the hope was gone. Never thinking of the "end game" (I couldn't even say pregnancy, much less baby). It still doesn't seem real; feels much more like a strange and wonderful dream (although caring for a baby feels incredibly real 24/7). I look at her and I can't connect what I see to the experience of how she arrived...

At the baby disco (six months)...


Out to dinner at a restaurant fancy enough that there was no changing table in the restroom (hurray!)...


First day at the pool (seven months)...


She still practices the back float on occasion...


On the plane to Boston...


Showing off her dimple in Boston...


Beboppin to John Coltrane over breakfast at Starbucks just yesterday...


First ice cream cone, also yesterday (these almost belie what a challenging day it was!)...


Happy 100 to me. It was all so worth it. Every shot, every dollar, every time I insisted on continuing despite the vast expanse of pure white in the window of another peestick foretelling failure. And that from the anti-hope poster child. You just never know how things will go.

16 comments:

My Reality said...

I can't believe how cute she is!

Happy 100 and thanks for all of your support along the way. It means more than you will ever know.

xo.

Rachel Inbar said...

Congratulations on 100 posts -those pictures are gorgeous :-)

I know exactly what you mean - my first success was equally shocking (though it did take 2 IVFs, including a false positive on the first due to idiots who told me to take a test when I still had hCG in my system).

Remember that you're on the top of my list... ;-)

ultimatejourney said...

She's too cute! I love that bald head and the big eyes!

It really is amazing to look back on the IF experience after you have a baby. It seems slightly surreal, and as you say, it was so worth it.

Valerie said...

Congratulations on 100 posts! She is a beauty but then you know that already. I was so glad to find you during my first IVF cycle. It was nice to have someone else going through the same things at the same time. Now we get to raise our awesome little ones sorta at the same time and that is just a blessing. I hope you start posting more often again soon.

Furrow said...

Happy 100th! Piper is fabulous. Simply gorgeous. I feel as amazed as you are sometimes that my Zo is here. Especially now that she has such a personality. Who'da thought it'd ever happen, eh?

Angie said...

YAY for 100! She is really growing, and so adorable!

Marie-Baguette said...

OMG !!! She is SO cute!

Anns said...

Congrats on 100 posts well done.. and so much more!

Tinker said...

I must've been so enthralled by your little Pip the first time I came by that I forgot to comment!

She's adorable Sarah, perfectly adorable! And happy 100th post!

theclam said...

Thanks for stopping by my blog and for your nice comment :) I like to think of tortie going naturally too... Your Piper is GORGEOUS~! Gives me hope that I too will get there one day - hopefully soon.
xxx

Watson said...

oh MY, what a cutie :-)

She looks so adorable in those swimming pixs I just cannot stand it!!

Congrats on making it to 100 posts, we love reading so keep on writin'!

scarredbellybutton said...

Happy hundred. Who'd ever have thought, huh?

Sticky Bun said...

Happy 100th! I can't believe you haven't had more, though--I feel like I've been reading your blog forever. :-) I'm really glad to have found you, though--your blog has really been a touchstone for me throughout our journey.

And, thanks for sharing the latest photos! Piper is so beautiful, and I can't believe how big she's getting! (And, I love the swimming photos--she loves the water, huh? I seem to remember a bathtime photo that looked similar from a while back.) so cute...

Kate said...

Like Tinker, I think I was so smitten with the pictures the first time I looked at them that I forgot to comment. As I said in my e-mail, she is just so flippin perfect. Love her!

Baby disco? I just checked out the link--how fun! I am totally doing that. You should submit pip's picture to their web site as a testimonial--she looks so happy to be there.

And hey, noticed your 'weighting game' stats--rock on, woman! So proud of you. Of course, I also hate you because OMG I am not even close to your beautiful numbers. But that's my own fault.

Bee Cee said...

Happy 100 post - what a journey and like you said worth every bit of blood sweat and tears.

Send me a little bit of non-hope will ya?

xox

Tinker said...

...still thinking of you and checking back regularly hoping for some more adorableness. I hope you're doing well.