March 16, 2009

This Time

Thursday was my graduation scan. A little heart still beats away in there so off I went to meet with a nurse who unceremoniously shoved some papers at me in the hall and sent me on my way.

Last time my nurse sat me down in an office. She pulled out the mysterious OB wheel and gave me a due date, in came the sonographer with a picture in a silly paper frame congratulating me. She had written on the image "Here I am, the littlest (Last name)." The picture terrified me last time. I was afraid we'd made way too big a deal of something that wasn't yet real. Surely when I miscarried this picture would become the symbol of terrible heartbreak. I didn't mind at all the lack of ceremony this time. It was all very second-timer. The main thing was that J couldn't be there with me.

Last time I was terrified also by graduation to the OB. The idea of not being able to see what was going on in there on a regular basis was so unnerving. I couldn't wait for the OB appointment and scan, but I wasn't ready to leave my little comfort zone at the clinic where I'd learned my way around so well in the previous two years. I hated to leave my beloved sonographer and the nurses who had been so kind over the years.

This time I'm thrilled to be done with the clinic, and in no hurry to get to the OB either. I couldn't be happier to have no regular monitoring on the horizon. I'm ready to have a normal life. I'm sick of waiting rooms and lab coats and paper-covered tables. I don't want to spend my every moment wondering what's happening in there, if it's sticking around, or where the roller coaster goes from here. I want to be off the roller coaster.

Having Piper around surely helps redirect my attention, and strangely enough, so does the "morning" sickness. Graduation day was also the day my innards sought their revenge against all that's been foisted upon them. I was never this sick last time. Just getting through the day takes all my energy lately; I have very little left to spend thinking about the cause of all the queasiness. However I do manage to waste at least an hour or two a day googling vacation ideas. OB appointment is Thursday.

15 comments:

littlebitofsomething said...

congratulations on the graduation, even without all the pomp and circumstance. there is indeed something to be said for settling into the every day and leaving behind the worry and the what-ifs.

Grade A said...

Unceremonious. That's a new one in the "everything is a big deal" world of IVFs, eh? Congratulations and glad everything is on track.

Lorraine said...

I hope you do get a little bit of "normal" - and a nice vacation!

Valerie said...

Congratulations on graduating to the OB.

Red said...

Glad to hear everything is very 'normal'.

Faith said...

Happy graduation day!!!

megan said...

i am so, so happy for you!

Tinker said...

It's funny how easily it all becomes a "been there, done that" scenario. I'm glad they didn't push the pomp onto this graduation, and that you're feeling so comfortable without the intense monitoring we come to expect as infertiles. That morning sickness is actually surprisingly good as reassurance.

Artblog said...

Looking good :) xxx

Rachel Inbar said...

Cool! Nice to actually be able to enjoy it :-)

Kate said...

Happy graduation day! Here's to the most boring pregnancy on record books!

Sorry you've been feeling so crappy. I will send you a note about what my midwives suggested for morning sickness.

You are still including me in your vacation plans, right? Just wanted to make sure we were still on the same page about that. :)

Angie said...

Congratulations on graduating!

motheringmymiraclemultiples said...

congrats on your graduation!

Hopeful Mother said...

It's nice to be uneventful and normal for once, isn't it? YAY for the graduation.

mekate said...

Wanted to leave a comment to follow up my email- yes, you sound GOOD. Yes, morning sick (so sorry! I do not wish bad feelings on anyone, except i love the reason for it!)-- but you sound so together. I am all for getting off the roller coaster. All for unceremonious anything. All for something that feels like normal life.
I hope you are feeling ok- managing it how you can, seeking help as you need it. And if things help, feel free to post them! We should all be so lucky as to need that advice someday! Warmly, Kate